Back To School: The Hubba Hubba Edition
Since I just wrote about real life schools as well as RPG schools in Second Life I thought it was only fair to give equal press to the sex schools.
Yes. I said “Sex Schools”.
This was a big “to-do” for me because I had to put my martini swilling big avatar chick on, throw on a pair of heels, virtually do my hair. Just so that you perverts could find places to have sex on desks & in cafeterias. I don’t do virtual sex but I know that many of you are into it. And a handful (hehe handful) of you dig the sex places in Second Life. Visiting so you know the “cool” places to go baby. You can never say I don’t suffer in the name of art.
Oh..I suffer….
Undercover Tipsy Is Undercover.
I want to start by pointing out that I am only adult places where you can “walk right in” without doing a screening process. Many well build “Sex Schools” ask you to become a member of their group, as well as fill out an application, to be able to enter their campus. They take their role-playing of a dirty school very seriously. If you are looking for more of a no-nonsense RPG atmosphere as opposed to the “Hey baby let’s fuck” then follow me to your SL homework.
I said homework.
Instead of just handing you a bunch of SLurls & saying “Have fun!” I am going to make you think. Get onto Second Life & use the keyword “School”. Make sure that you have your search so that you will get adult places. There are SO MANY that are just walk-in & enjoy that you will have no issue finding one. Make sure they aren’t ones that are trying to teach you how to be a slave or whatever. We are looking for ones that try to throw in role-playing sex in a school setting.
Now I will share with you a few observations that I have run into while visiting an insane amount of sex schools this week. After I go through my list I will be giving you a bit of Second Life Sex School Homework. There might even be a test.
A few things I have run into:
1. I saw a wooden barrel in a gymnasium. Why would you have a barrel in the middle of the floor, that just happens to have sex poses in it, in a gymnasium? Is it a sex rodeo prop? Will a circus clown & bull show up if I just wait around for a few?
2. Do we really need so many real life porn pictures covering the walls? Personally I think that less porn pictures being used as posters in an adult school would be nice. Maybe it’s just me but I wouldn’t mind seeing something that at least semi-pertains to a college/university/sex prison school. How about a few “sex ed” posters instead of so many “I’m so happy to suck your dick” pictures?
3. In a way the sex school feel is kinda fucking creepy. University or college I can deal with. Using the words “High School” when building something like that then throwing words like “Whore” in the mix is fucking creepy.
4. I would like to point out that schools are now built with sheet rock & not communist cinder blocks.
5. Do I REALLY need to buy a dildo in your hallway between classes? How about that thong with cum stains in the vendor by the door? I can understand that not everyone cums (hehe) prepared to these places but the least you can do is put them all in a room or something.
6. I had a friend who one had sex with an ice cream man to get free ice cream for an entire Summer. Weird I know but I have never seen a hooker standing next to one of my college classes asking me if I wanted a good time. Where am I going with this? I’m not exactly sure but I do hope the ice cream was worth it.
(6A. I have seen a hookers outside of bars & on street corners. Not next to a classroom door.)
7. Oh I “Get It”. You’re wearing a plaid skirt & knee highs. So is every real life stripper trying to pay her rent.
Your homework for this week is to see what you find when trolling the hallways of virtual sex schools? Do you find ones that aren’t too shabby? Are the ones you see as bad? Can you identify any of the things I’ve found at any of the places you have found?
Please leave your homework in the comments below. You will be graded. And if you piss this teacher off may hell fall upon thee in great waves of hurt & shit.
Good Luck!
“Tipsy” Cerulean
Oh wait..I’m not done yet. I have EXTRA CREDIT for you this week. If you were to build your own virtual sex school how would you design it? What would you add? What would you take away?
My example:
If I was to build a sex college, which will not be happening, I would have a realistic build that was nicely put together for a campus feel. Decor that makes sense to the college learning so it gives you a feel for its purpose. Even hold “classes” to make the role-playing experience work. As for the sex I would try to make it as sneaky as possible. Give you the feeling that you are getting away with something naughty as well as the thrill of getting caught. I would make mine strict role-playing with a group where people would be able to get a title depending on what they wanted to be at the school. I would have an application process & make it open to the group only to keep the pervy stalker trolls out. As for the shopping I would leave it out completely. Sometimes sexy isn’t so blatant.
Mine would also not be so fucking creepy.
Stupid Sex Part 1: The Story Of “Meh”
Today I am here to talk about virtual sex. I would have taken todays pictures with some sort of sexy underwear on. Or one of those strategically placed arms over a nipple but meh. Tipsy don’t show her underoos. Contrary to popular SL belief not every chick wants to run around looking like a smacked out hooker with her hoo haa hanging out in the breeze.
Keeping It On Thank You Very Much.
Take note designers. Not all of us like tube dresses, “I’m A Whore” t-shirts, & barely there mini’s.
Now that we have that out-of-the-way I thought it would be a blast, for me at least, to review a few sex areas of Second Life while simultaneously razzing on any craptastic stuff I come across.
You get sex AND Razzing in one article. Woo for all of us.
Worst part of reviewing sex areas is constantly having to say “No thank you. Don’t want to have sex with you. Not into your cartoony looking crayon dick. Just here to write.” as well as the constant IMing of persistent people. An example of this is one area that I teleported in where I was there less than 30 seconds when I received a friend request. By a man wearing a stripped t-shirt, slacks, & a dick. I’m sorry Mr. Dick pants but I don’t know you & your dick is attached to your zipper.
I suffer for all of you.
I do want to say that the random places I visited suck. Not in a good way kinda suck. They were just plain bad. I’m warning you ahead of time because, hell, y’all (yes I said “y’all”) can screw if you want on SL. Not being bias here peeps (yes I said “peeps”) but after seeing a bunch of dudes stand around watching another guy have sex with a chick I can’t help but think “Cartoon sex”. And these places are just crap. Can’t help it if I randomly went to places that were horrible. What I can do is tell you how bad they are.
How could you possibly go wrong with a name like “Big Bang” when it comes to the public sexy time?
Actually…you can go wrong with a name like that.
Yes you can because I am in the middle of, not a park mind you, a mall. There is no big park or big bang in a park for that matter. If you go out the back way (hehe..back way) you will find one sex bed & a lot of empty space.
I Wonder If They Ever Hose It Down.
Yes I am making an “Ewww! Who knows who’s been all up on that bed!” face.
Underneath the mall is grass with a sky ceiling & an attempt to bring the “big bang”. There is a medical clinic down here if that’s yer thang but even that has shopping in it. Basically folks you are not “Banging” in a park. Your screwing in a mall.
Side Note: The day after I went to check this place out I was sent a group re-invite since I didn’t take any of them when I was there. Did I mention I got this while standing in my own front yard THE NEXT DAY!
What the fuck!!!!
I said no the first couple of times. Leave me the hell alone. Your place sucks. I ended up just blocking the thing sending me the invites so it would stop. It makes me think of shady porn sites on the internet that screw your computer up. (Friends Always Direct Friends To Safe Porn Sites. Just sayin’.) Thanks SL place for basically being “A Virus”.
There are multiple places that do this but I’m using this one as an example. I hate it when people use real porn pictures to advertise their shit. It’s Second Life sex not some back alley porn studio. So stop finding freebie sex pictures on the internet & come up with something else. I kinda already know how to look up nudie pictures without your help.
Now that I got that out-of-the-way.
I just got dropped into a tiny shopping area. Weee! (picture me saying this with much sarcasm in my voice please.) Once I got around the little mini maze of commerce I was instantly assaulted by real life pornography pictures. I’m not talking a few here or there like so many places like to throw up. I’m talking wall to wall sex time. If you are into “Glory Holes” then, amazingly enough, they also plastered that area with gobs (no weird puns intended) of real life pictures.
Look! Lot’s O’ Sex Balls Around A..Tree Stump…In A Dungeon…
I am TOTALLY assuming that y’all know what those balls would say. Yup. Gang bang on a tree stump. In a rape dungeon.
I did get followed around by this chick who I am guessing was wondering what the hell this chick in a nice dress doing in a place like this.
I’m writing lady.
If you are into sex that is completely surrounded by porn pictures, has balls & “objects” thrown around, slightly resembles a dungeon, & don’t mind getting dropped off in front of shopping then have at it.
So why is this a two parter? Because I have SO MUCH to say, a few more places I’ve reviewed (Maybe one of them will be good.), as well as some people I ran into during my travels. Too much damn sex information for one article people. Part 2 comes out sometime on Monday June 18th.
I did figure out a lesson we can all say we learned from today’s part 1.
That’s not a real way to get a pearl necklace.
“Tipsy” Cerulean
Zexpo 2011
Zexpo 2011 makes me think of Zex. I mean sex. Whatever. Zindra. Adult area of Second Life. I’ve been to Zindra expos before. SEX SEX & more SEX! This fest really isn’t about sex. Yeah…I know! I did see a virtual dick. Meh.
The Sex..Zex…gah...Zexpo 2011 goes on until Sept. 4th. When you teleport in be sure to grab an “Ultimate Guide”. Jam packed full of information pertaining to said Se..Zexpo. If you feel some really weird urge to stay at the the Zexpo there are hotel rooms for rent. (Have to give kudos to having a realistic convention feel.)
Umm..Yeah..Riding An Elephant.
The decor is early basic crayon box. The ramps make me want to skateboard the area. The theme is “Biggest Mall Of Second Life”. I must say I did a LOT of items pointing me towards the wonders of owning a prim baby. I did see a showing of “Historie De O”. (Great classic movie. The novel was a wonderful read.) There were also showings of various X rated machinima. In my personal opinion the Sex…Zex…whatever…in this expo wasn’t there. A photo contest of people with their prim babies. Yeah. You’ve lost your dirty edge. And SL…thats fucking sad.
Found Desert! Now Where The Hell Is The Booze?
I must have come at a slow time as I ran into a total of four people while wandering around. If you want to check it you have until Sept. 4th.
“Tipsy” Cerulean
Just let me attach my body parts baby….
**This blog is about discussing virtual sex in Second Life. (Scripted body parts) I do use the proper sexual language in this blog. Grab a beer. You’ve been warned.**
Over the weekend I was sitting under a picture of Velvet Elvis hanging out with Velvet Jesus in a crack den. Group of people just chatting & drinking up a storm in a sex area. You really wouldn’t expect people to just kinda sit around the living room drinking in a place like this. While we are drunkenly chatting a couple decided to move their sexual escapades from the yard to the pose balls directly next to the couch. Let me tell you…that makes for REALLY interesting drunken conversation. But…it got me thinking about the way people go about having virtual sex.
Velvet Jesus & Velvet Elvis Walked Into A Bar
There are so many body parts & scripted items we can attach to ourselves for “better” SL sex. A clit that become aroused when touched. Nipples that talk when someone touches them. Your ass can do the talking for you. (Think sex people…not beans for dinner.). Our arousal level can go up the more someone touches us in a way we enjoy. It can make moaning noises or talk dirty for us. Our virtual clit can tell us when it is time to have an orgasm. We can just lay back & let our attached/scripted/whatever body parts do the “dirty” work for us. And that is just the beginning of the various things we can attach to ourselves to “have sex” on Second Life.
LAZY! LAZY! LAZY! Fucking lazy!
Have people become so lazy that we will just attach stuff to our body to do the sexual work for us? Don’t people understand the concept of talking dirty to one another? Sit down next to dirty lil’ Tipsy & I’ll tell you a wonderful, magical, sex filled story of the internet. The days when chat rooms involved refreshing the page to see if anyone responded to your comments. Where people actually talked to each other instead of relying upon scripts & do-dads to do the sexual work for us. You had to know what to do in a sexual situation. You had to be quick on your feet. You ACTUALLY had to NOT be afraid to tell someone exactly how you wanted them to fuck you. (I warned you that Tipsy wasn’t going to tone down language for this discussion). Does it scare you that I actually typed the words “exactly how you want them to fuck you.”? I think it does frighten some people. Instead of actually talking dirty to someone on our own we need to rely on something that will express our desires, our wants, & our sexual needs for us. Either from fright, laziness, or simply because they are unsure of what they want exactly.
If you stop & really think hard about it do you really need a virtual clit, ass, or nipples attached to you in a normal SL sexual encounter? Do you actually need to shell out a lot of L$ when all you essentially need to do is be really good at virtual sex. If you have a good body/skin you have a pussy already. You already have nipples. Yes…you have an ass. (If you didn’t then you would look super funny.) Instead of putting a body part on & putting it to private/only certain people can’t touch, can’t you just inform whoever is sending you messages “No thanks.”. If something feels good wouldn’t it be better for you to explain in explicate detail how turned on you are instead of having a script do it for you? If you are on a pose ball it looks like you are having sex. If you talk dirty to someone in a really explicate way then you are really having virtual sex. Seeing & doing. Not seeing & letting a script take over for you.
I’m leaving out fetish SL sex because there are things that are not used to completely take over the work but to completely enhance the experience. Slave/Master, etc. Adds realism. I understand. Gay & Lesbian sex with accessories. Not a bad thing at all. I’m not going to knock the people who use the body parts & get all freaky. Who talk dirty & use the body parts to make their virtual sex life better. I am talking to the people who only use what the parts/scripts give them to attempt to have sexual relations with someone virtually. HOW DULL!! Try taking off the scripted moans, touches, etc. Get to really know each other in an intimate way. I’m just spouting opinion & asking people to try “unplugging” & really get sexual.
I am also leaving out the sl male penis. Not in a bad way. (hehe). That is REALLY needed for a Second Life male to go forth & screw. You weren’t virtually born with one (haha..not virtually born with one…yeah…I’m REAL mature). You’re crotch area is a complete blank canvas that really screams “Just add cock.”. Men need to go buy the important body part to make it look realistic as well as talk dirty to us to make it feel realistic. Also…it kinda looks funny when you hop on a sex ball & don’t have the “equipment”. (I guess I can give you a free pass if you are a GREAT dirty talker. But…it still makes me laugh when you are dickless…HAHA!)
Learn to talk dirty. Learn to tell someone exactly what your sexual needs are. There are SO many places you can go to learn how to get virtually freaky in the form of chat & words. Ask someone. Is it embarrassing to ask??? Nah…not if you have a good friend to ask. Maybe they wouldn’t mind asking you questions as much as you want to ask them. Trust me. There are more people then you know out there that are more then willing to help you learn how to “talk dirty” (and NOT just because they want to get naked with you).
Get naked. Completely naked. See what happens.
“Tipsy” Cerulean (I need a beer)
(If you want to add to the virtual sex discussion please drop me a notecard in-word, visit the SLA Review office to leave a message, leave a comment here, or email me at slalcoholics@yahoo.com. We plan on furthering the discussion in a live SLA show.)
I Feel Soooo Dirty….
May 7th marked the beginning of Zexpo 2010. (Zindra but I prefer saying Zexpo…sounds new wave sci-fi sexy) The gist of this whole shindig is to showcase the adult items & areas of Second Life. For the official blog post on the Zexpo click HERE. If you are thinking about checking it out then click right about…..HERE.
Armed with a martini & really great animal print heels I had just purchased (If you can’t work it anywhere why work it at all) I set off to see what kind of trouble I could get into & funky stuff I could find at a virtual sex expo.I’ve watched people sink into the ground & phase through walls do to lag issues (even though I have yet to run into a large crowd). This hasn’t stopped me from getting my adult browsing on. Creativity is a BIG THING with me when it comes to SL. I love it when people get creative with their ideas & come up with something that looks amazing. Be it sexual or non-sexual. There were a few people who did make me stop & say “Wow! Nice job!”. I give props when props are due. I have attempted to attend one of the listed events but was sorely disappointed because no one was there. I’ll try a few more during the expo & see what’s going on.
This might come as a COMPLETE shocker…but yes…I’m not offended by virtual sexual whatevers. I also feel it was a stupid idea to create three ratings groups (PG, Mature, & Adult) compared to just having the two. When signing up for a Second Life account on the main grid it states that you must be 18 to join. I understand that people lie about their age so I may be one of the only people who didn’t wig out over age verification. It is a pain in the ass but if it protects my rights to decide if I want to look at sexual content or not then so be it. And..that’s just it. If I want to look at sexual content or not. You don’t need to throw them over in their own “Adult” area. I’m a big girl. I know how to read. If I don’t want to go anyplace that involves sex, strippers, hookers, dungeons, & the what not then I won’t. If I want to wander around some pretty shady adult oriented areas then I will. I do know how to censor myself.
After a conversation with Bishop (my silent partner & power hour champion) this past weekend we did come up with a few good conspiracy theories about why there would be a need to have a sex expo. Not to mention that there was a need to have an official blog about it. Two words. Sex Sells. When a virtual world, such as SL, has to compete with other virtual programs that are completely based upon sex then there is a need to remind people that we’ve got a LOT of it. No matter how much it seems that Second Life wants to distance itself from being highly sexual & more education oriented it cannot completely cut it off. Sex sells. It brings in people from other sexually fueled virtual programs into Second Life. More people = more money. Second Life isn’t just sex but education, social networking, fun…the list goes on. But you cannot deny that sex is BIG business when it comes to SL. If you don’t want to be subjected to anything sexual on Second Life then just don’t go there. If you find yourself in an area you are not comfortable with then just leave. It’s that easy.
The expo goes on until May 16th. I’ll attempt to go to a few more events, with booze of course. If you run into an animal print clad lady who looks a tad bit overdressed for a sexpo carrying a martini….say hi.
Hey let’s virtually tresspass & have sex!
A few years ago I wrote an article about people who have a habit of virtually breaking an entering into someones Second Life home. Last week I was hit with the ol’ burglars again. This made me think back to all of the greatest break in’s I have had happen to me throughout the years. Come…grab a beer…a seat…and travel with me down B&E memory lane.
My first experience with someone breaking into my home was 3 months into joining Second Life. A few of us were renting a condo on a tropical island (no longer around). We thought having a pool with a tiki bar was neato. As my roomie & I teleport back to the condo after working on our virtual tan we catch a couple having sex in my prim bed. We were at a complete loss how to handle this situation. Lucky for us they were embarassed & quickly teleported out. I changed my prim sheets & we had a good laugh.
When Bishop & I had our first discussion place, Bishops Place, we had an upstairs that had no stairs going to it. Locked Teleport. People couldn’t make a landmark just anywhere on the land. You would be put on the TP spot. Turned off flying. We even put hidden bookcase doors in that lock. Caught four people having sex in the bedroom. This one was LOADS of fun! They decided to start screaming at us (it was 4 against 4..I had people over.) They called us a slew of nasty names. Explained that they could do whatever the hell they wanted on our bed because it was Second Life. I always enjoy a good fight that involves yelling at others. I was plenty angry! Took the bed back into my inventory, tossed them around the room a bit then booted them. Ahh…it felt good. (I changed the sheets on the bed…hehe)
There are SO many times this has happened throughout the years. People having sex in my cabin on a cruise ship. Two woman had the guts to tell me I was discriminating against them by yelling at them for breaking into a house I once rented & having sex in my bedroom. First off…if you know me I have NO problem with that. It was a weak excuse. Caught a guy masterbating in a treehouse I once owned. He broke into my house to have sex with himself. LOL! Still makes me giggle.
Greatest story ever? I was taking photos for the SLA Review when a guy burst in with a virtual gun. He demanded that I have sex with him or he would shoot me. This…my friends…was my first armed robbery & virtual rape…that anyone has ever attempted. After staring at him in disbelief (did he really think a virtual gun would scare me?) & listening to his insane demands…I orbited him to outer space & banned him from the land. I spent an hour watching him attempt to walk back to my land from land next door. He still had his pea shooter (yes..we are still talking about the gun.). Finally..he gave up. (This might have been because the persons land he was standing on also banned him.)
I’ve had many other experiences after all of these. Many attempts with guns. I even had a guy run me over with his car & demand sex. (but we’re talking about burglary. I’ll leave that story for another day.) So…to those who broke into a locked room (with rules posted to please stay out of my private quarters)….I’ve had YEARS of practice. I don’t get as angry anymore (key word..AS). I am still amazed over those who have used pg beds to have sex as you two did. But I don’t yell. I calmly say that I’m amazed you went to all this trouble to break in & have sex. Then…with a gleam of evil in my eyes, I toss them around the room before banning them. Then I go about my business feeling a little sad that they don’t realize they could find a place to have sex for free (maybe it’s the B&E that gets them hot.) My last thought before I no longer care? Lame.
Cerulean Capalini
Stupid Sex Part 2: Wherefore Art Thou Sex?
I would have named it “Part 2: Dick Pants” but it just sounded all freakish.
“OH MY GOD! His dick is attached…TO HIS PANTS!!! AHHHHHH!!!”
Why would I even remotely consider naming this part “Dick Pants”? Because, damn it, I saw enough of it. Wandering around. Following me. One even tried pushing me into a corner.
Nobody puts..ummm..Tipsy in a corner. Not because I feel like dancing but because it just pisses me off. Especially if it involves someone using a dick as a spear. Not into your man junk. Sorry.
TIPSY GET HULK LIKE ANGRY WHEN CONFRONTED BY JACKASSES!!
I am really thinking that I might need to wear a sign that says “Here to write so don’t show me your penis. I don’t care.”. OK. That might be a little bit too long. How about “Writing about place. Do not disturb.” I would wear “Leave me the fuck alone” but that just seems rude.
Here are a few of the places I visited & suffered through so that you could go forth & have virtual sex someplace. Or visit just for shits & giggles. Or people watch. Whatever.
FMS = Fuck Me Silly Dirty Sex & Orgy Club (A)
Kinda hard for anyone to fuck anyone silly when you have security lines around your place. Which makes me ask what fucking silly would be exactly? Would one thrust only to slip on a banana peel? Would it be like having sex with a clown?
Funny how?
Why the hell would I want to get on the list to be able to be blessed with your shit ass jank crap places presence? People can just go someplace else. Are you just trying to use it to drum up lots of visits so you can just open someplace else on the land at a later date? Idiots.
Dirty Dive (A)
If you look at the name of the place the full name listed is “Dirty Dive Free Sex Fuck Club & Rape Shack Orgy Free Porn Cum.” Holy shit! Can we just start calling it the “DDFSFCRSOFP”? Wait..that won’t work either.
This has to be one of the most popular SL sex areas ever. It’s been around under different names, in different places, & switched up so much over the years but is still always jam-packed. Since it is always busy writing about has been a bit of an issue. The first time I went some guy with his dick attached to his pants (See! I told you dick pants would get mentioned today.) kept trying to push me into a corner. On top of that I was bombarded by a barrage of guys IM’ing me before I had even rezzed. Second time was no different. Constant IMs being thrown at me before rezzing in. Getting instantly surrounded by male avatars to the point where I couldn’t move without running into one of them.
To actually attempt to write anything here I put my auto response on saying “I am currently writing on Second Life about the place I am at. I am not here to have sex with anyone so move along. Not interested.” Amazingly enough this did not work as I was still pushed by a few guys trying to steer me towards sex balls.
There would have been a LOT more pictures this week but it was hard to get a good photo when you’re being shoved by 6 guys at one time into a wall. Assholes. I did get a few great shots that we can make fun of at a later date.
MUAH HA HA HA!!!!!
If you are looking for a place to just randomly screw another avatar, hang out, or enjoy getting IM’s before you rez, or pushed into things then this is the place for you. They offer the dive sex room itself, a rape shack, & a nude beach.
There are a few things that I just don’t get. I’ve been to quite a few sex areas in the past week to write these two articles & have seen someone having sex….once. Just once. A few of the places, live the Dirty Dive Sex..you get the idea, I visited multiple times & not once saw anyone actually having sex. I saw a lot of naked people standing around. I saw more cartoon cock then one person should ever have to see in once place. A few times guys were jumping on balls in some sort of air humping attempt to get someone else to hop on with them.
It Kept Moving Into My Damn Shot!
Trying to push someone with your fake dick into shit to get them to have sex with you is not the way to do it.
I visited a lesbian sex palace & no one was having sex. There was a little bit of conversation here or there followed by people dancing but no sex. The people were actually friendly & there was no pushing (And THANK BOOZE no clay looking man bits staring at me.) I am equal opportunity baby.
Porno sex theater. Lots of people…no sex. Three visits to each one & no one was having sex. I’ve written about many adult areas on Second Life in the past & have run into some of the funkiest things going down but it seemed weird this past week. All the places & people yet none of them doing anything dirty. Just a lot of quiet standing. I do wonder at times if some people question in the back of their mind at one point or another while air humping to attract a mate if the person that jumps on is actually the same sex as their avatar. Or if anyone actually cares.
Maybe this is the reason for the pushing, shoving, & downpour of “hello” IM-ing. A quiet little desperation of “Will someone give me the pleasure of the sexy time with them?”.
Sorry. Just here to write. Carry your ass off someplace else.
“Tipsy” Cerulean
If you missed it then be sure to check out Stupid Sex Part 1: The Story Of “Meh”