I do a lot of Second Life club hopping. It’s a constant need to find new places that I find interesting so that I may mention them on the SLA Review in the future. When I do a night of club hopping I have a few set rules I follow that instantly tell me if a place is a bust or not. It takes me about 30 seconds from the time I rez completely to make a complete assessment of my current location.
Dedicating an entire article to a club that sucks & fails my 30 second rule seems like overkill to me. I’m going to start taking my lists & bringing them to you, dear readers. Some I will tip my hat to for getting MUCH longer then 30 seconds for me. Others I am going to end up ripping to shreds in a colorful & profanity filled way. This way…dear reader…I can give you a great overview of various places for your night out club hopping. Before I start giving you 30 second rule places I thought we should start out by discussing what I judge when deciding if someone passes.
Here are 7 things that instantly make me dislike a club. First impressions are important. It will make you or break you.
1. Advertisements: If the clubs walls are covered in advertisements it’s an instant NO for me. I’m out of there as fast as I was in there. A club isn’t a good club to me if you use advertising as decoration.
2. Selling: This goes right there with advertising. If your club is covered in things for sale, especially if it’s decorating the walls around your dance floor, I am gone. It boils down to selfish, poor club design. I understand your need to make money to keep your club open. I also understand that tips can sometimes be tiny. Still I feel that putting up things for sale all around your dance floor/club area is just flat-out tacky.
3. Landing Point: I majorly dislike with a passion…OK..I HATE landing in the middle of a mall when I am attempting to go to a club. After all signs & scenery have rezzed I give a place about 30 seconds to inform me of where the club is. If I have to spend more than 30 seconds trying to find where you are located I am on to the next place. This might sound harsh but in my mind it isn’t even remotely harsh. You are advertising a club. If it takes me a minute or two to find it then you’re not a club. You are a mall that happens to have music.
4. The Greeting: If you are having an event & you have a greeter then it should be expected that the greeter does their job. If I am standing in your club for quite some time & your greeter doesn’t bother to say hi I leave. I know what you are thinking on this one. “But Tipsy!!!! You could always say hi to them!”. Here’s the dealio avies. Greeters/hostess/host/employees/whatever…they are getting paid by the club to interact with customers. This person wanted a virtual job. I think they should actually do the job they signed up for. That’s really not that much to ask for now is it?
5. Conversation: I’ve been to clubs where they say “Hello” then it’s like pulling teeth to get them to have anything more to do with you. Most of the time will be spent talking to their friends who show up or other employees. The hello might keep me for more than 30 seconds but a boring ass club with no conversation will make me leave.
6. Gestures: I don’t mind gestures. I don’t really use them too much if at all. One or two gestures here or there that make sense to a conversation or situation is OK by me. (While I am my tiny gestures get used often. But…unlike many club wolf cries & ass smackings…the tiny use of gestures like to fit in at proper times during the right conversations. I can deal with it.). Using gestures as a way to communicate instead of actually using your brain to formulate words is lazy. Wooooooooo (annoying club gesture right there) Wooo this ya shit. If I’m constantly bombarded with gesture after gesture without any real interaction between people I’m leaving. (Side note: If I don’t know you then DON’T fucking use an ass smacking gesture on me. Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck gave you permission to do that? Did you think I would enjoy it? Well you thought wrong asshole.)
7. Elite/Rude Behavior: I don’t tolerate rude people. Especially those that own or work for a club. I also don’t stand for those who hold their noses so far in the air it’s sniffing a birds ass. Just because you own a club/work at a club/or know people at a club does not make you instantly awesome worship material. I don’t think that any of us should ever have to put up with elitists/rude people. With that said, I don’t think we should ever put up with it in a club setting.
*Soliciting completely depends on where I am. If I am at an out of the box regular ol’ club then I don’t want to be solicited. Privately IMing me for tips, for me to pay for sex, etc. is wrong. It annoying & it makes no sense when I am at a club that would have nothing to do with this kind of behavior. I’ve been to a LOT of clubs over the years where this has happened. Harassed for tips or sex. An adult area with a dirty ass sex club I understand. Sometimes it’s taken a bit too far but other than that I can understand. It’s what it’s for. Soliciting in a, for example, 50s sock hop, inappropriate. Instantly leaving.
Fun Times: Good music, friendly people, nice decor, interactive staff. That’s what I am looking for. A place to not be harassed, bombarded with ads, constantly asked for money. If you can give me a good time then I’ll stick around for more than 30 seconds. (Hell..I might even say you don’t suck on the SLA Review site). I really don’t think that asking for fun is a bad thing.
Now you know what I look for when I judge a club on Second Life. What does this mean? It means you are going to see me calling out a lot of clubs on SL for good & bad behavior. A Quick rundown of hot spots & not so hot spots.
Believe me…I already have a few (both good & bad) ready to share with you.
Those who own clubs need to bring your A game. It’s the weekend. I’ll be making my rounds.
Tipsy Curse Count: Oooo I haven’t done a curse count of a post in a while. Hmm…let’s see here….I counted 9. Ass seems to be the word of the day. Oops! That’s 10!