Club Guide #6

Here Lies Tipsy Who Wrote One Too Many Bad Club Reviews.

This weeks club review was extremely painful to research. It seemed to get worse & worse with every club I decided to visit. I felt like shaking a few people & screaming “What the hell are you thinking? Your club is…GAHHH!!!” No amount of alcohol will be able to mute the pain I felt while taking notes. On a positive note, my pain is your reading enjoyment. Let’s get this crapfest out-of-the-way.

The Hidden Rock Club (M)

I’ve said it MULTIPLE times in the past & I’m going to keep saying it. I hate dancing in a club where the dance floor is completely surrounded by shopping. It’s cheap. It looks like shit. It takes away from the whole idea of being at a club. Yes…I knoooooowww you need money to stay open. You don’t need to slap me in the face with it. I’ve stood here following my 30 second rule & I haven’t been greeted by anyone. I’ve actually stood here for over a minute while typing notes. I’m so out of here. (Side Note: “St.” Bishop pointed out that the pentagrams used all around the club are not some sort of evil pentagram they were going for. They looked wrong.)

The Crossroads (M)

This club I LOVE the blues. Blues & jazz is what I live on (besides a steady stream of cocktails). I haven’t been to The Crossroads in years so it was nice to go back & give them a nice review. I was wrong. I’m not giving a nice review. It was a blues event that kept playing country. Maybe it was just for the five minutes I was there (Note taking, making another drink), but I kept hearing country & honky tonk. I have been to countless blues concerts in real life. Could be just me but honky tonk/country is honky tonk/country. It isn’t the blues. No one bothered to say hi to me the whole time I was there. We all know I am an absolute bitch but come on. It’s was country music! I’m super disappointed in whatever DJ was playing that night. You ruined a blues club for me. I mean it when I say that I truly hope that this was a DJ error & not a daily club operations thing.

OK. I’m done. Stick a prim fork in me. I can’t take it anymore. AHHHH!!!

Ahem.

Sorry about that. I’ve gotten a fresh drink. I’m much better now. I think, for the sake of my sanity (or what’s left of it), I shall save the rest of the clubs I hit up for our next club review.

Good luck fellow club hoppers. May the prim drinks be strong & the entertainment better than crap.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

(When I go to review a club I use the “30 Second Rule” as well as checking out layout, music, staff, etc.)

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