Club Guide #10

After this round of reviews I am so damn frustrated over clubs in malls, gestures, bad decor, & general stupidity that it makes me want to throw a beer can at someone.


Let’s get right to it.

Club 6 (M)

When I first teleported into the club I was instantly greeted. By multiple people. Cool. Someone actually said hi to me. There are people having conversations with others. This is nice but THEN…IT HITS!


Holy shit. It’s like gestures are raining down upon us with no sign of stopping. It is filling up the screen to the point where no other conversations can be seen. I CANNOT FUCKING STAND IT! Get with the program people. It’s the most mind numbing annoying shit one can use to have a conversation. One or two are fine. I dig it. Using them to the point where there is no way to talk to anyone is ridiculous.

My head is currently hitting my keyboard as I write.

This club makes me feel like I am trapped back in Second Life 5 years ago. Between the woman with the super blinging boots

Check Out Mr. Ankles Behind Ms. Bling

and the decor I feel that they haven’t moved forward with any modern or, for lack of a better word, good designs.  It’s so basic it boggles the mind. Their decorating color is blue. I mean this place is blue. Really blue. Super duper mega blue. How much more blue could this club possibly be? I am afraid to ask that question for fear they might throw in a bit more blue.

Club is surrounded by a shopping but at least the bonus part is that is isn’t KEERRR PLOWWW right on top of the dance floor. At least we have that going for us.

Iron Fist & Mall (A)

I would like to call it “Iron Fist & (OH GOODY!) A Mall”. It didn’t inform me of the mall part in the events advertisement so I did not know it was there until I rezzed in & saw the full name.

When I first teleported in someone instantly told me to come in when I rezzed. Thank you for noticing me. I waited for a bit till I could actually see the crowd of people dancing around. They went for the apocalyptic yellow polluted dark skies. Nice when you are trying to go for a certain feel/look to match a place.

Someone Get Me An Oxygen Tank STAT! I'm Going In!

I may have possibly been the one chick wearing more clothing than anyone else in the joint. (It is Adult so there was a lot of “barely there” going on. Nothing we already didn’t know. I just couldn’t help but notice. I sometimes stick out in crowds like a beacon.)

People did talk to me a the beginning but it kinda went pfftt after that for me. Which is cool. I want to see if people are having conversations with others (Which there was). I look for no gaps or boring silence. I am here to see how fast it takes them to greet newcomers & see if  people are actually talking to each other.

Sometimes it makes you feel kinda left out but meh. It is what it is.

Forbidden Treasures Club (M)
When I walked through the door there was an age detector that screamed my age. WHAT….THE FUCK! That just came out of nowhere. It will be five years for me in less than a month but I feel bad for new people. That’s bullshit. It’s hard enough to find yourself new on Second Life but then to have a club scream it out to everyone is just plain wrong. What exactly is the point? My opinion: It’s fucking stupid.

Everyone gave me a friendly greeting but I am confused.

Super confused.

Where is the dance floor exactly?

It’s basically a HUGE stripper related catwalk with poles where a shitload of employees dance.
So..we stand around and watch them? What the hell are we suppose to do exactly?  There is one guy here that doesn’t work for them that is just doing this sort of pondering look while wearing a nice suit (it is a nice suit.) Another guy is in a corner with this sort of lost look going on.

OK…I haven’t drank nearly enough to figure this out. This is so stupid. There are chairs around like we are actually supposed to sit down & watch them party. Why in the hell would I want to watch other people party, have fun, & watch employee conversations?  Add one person that has this ray of rave light going on that matches the decor & I give up. I am out of here.

Wild & Crazy Coconut (M)

Been around since 2007  but I have never heard of this club. Not that I can recall.

I got hit up with two group invites AND a landmark as soon as I landed. I can’t even see where I am yet & I’m getting hit with rapid gunfire of stuff. GRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHFFUUUCKKKHH!  Let me rez in before you start bombarding me with loads of crap.

So…here I am. In the middle of a beach shack mall. Surrounded by shops.
A good bonus is the fact that there is a sign on the sand with an arrow pointing me to the direction of said club. I’m hiking. Still hiking. Hiking..hiking…holy shit..NO I DONT WANT TO SHOP. I have never wanted to give up walking to a club so much as I have wanted to right then. Alas I cannot give up because I must find it. Must find it so I can write about it for you. The things I do.

The club, when you actually make it, isn’t too bad (SLurl will take you right to the dance floor so you are not stuck spending a virtual eternity hiking.) After taking a prim breath people said hello. The club itself isn’t too bad if you can actually make it there without dying in a mall maze.

I feel like I am repeating myself at every club but, once again, I really hate the overuse of gestures. Come up with your own shit people!

Bound Addictions Nightclub (M)

This has to be the EASIEST review I have EVER written when it comes to writing a bad review about a place. At least they have that going for them.

When I first teleported in I was, yes you guessed it, a mall. The event listing didn’t mention a mall but…OH NO WAY…the name of the club actually has “& mall” in it. Who would have thunk it?

I stood there for a few minutes saying to myself “Where the hell is the club?”. Directions were so bad that someone who worked for the club actually had to teleport me to where I needed to be. When I did get there & things rezzed in I finally saw that I was actually dancing in the mall itself. No separate club really. Just a spot to dance while being surrounded by shopping.

Ask yourself this people. Would you want to go to a place in real life mall & dance while being surrounded by “StarClucks” or “Ambercorny & Figs”? (Like what I did there?) Surround yourself with places trying to get you to constantly buy while you are trying to have fun? No? I didn’t think you would.

People people. THIS kind of dance shit is unacceptable. If we wouldn’t dance in a place like this in real life what makes you actually think we would want to do it virtually? This is Second Life. You actually CAN dream better. Dont settle. Go for what you want. If they don’t make it build it. You CAN make a place that’s much better then this swill you are trying to hand us. You can do this!

After this bout of club hopping I majorly need a drink. I think, after reading these reviews, we have learned two important lessons.

1. Clubs In Malls SUCK!

2. Over Use Of Gestures Is INSANE!

I hope this has helped you to figure out where you want to spend your club hopping weekend. Me? I’m going to get another cocktail, take a deep breath, & keep on hopping around.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Tipsy’s Curse Count: Boy..I sure did curse a lot in this article today. My count, & I may have missed a few is…..counting my GAAAHHHHHHFUCKKKK….ELEVEN! Wow! Eleven curse words. This weeks club review really pushed my buttons.


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