Stupid Sex Part 1: The Story Of “Meh”

Today I am here to talk about virtual sex. I would have taken todays pictures with some sort of sexy underwear on. Or one of those strategically placed arms over a nipple but meh. Tipsy don’t show her underoos. Contrary to popular SL belief not every chick wants to run around looking like a smacked out  hooker with her hoo haa hanging out in the breeze.

Keeping It On Thank You Very Much.

Take note designers. Not all of us like tube dresses, “I’m A Whore” t-shirts, & barely there mini’s.

Now that we have that out-of-the-way I thought it would be a blast, for me at least, to review a few sex areas of Second Life while simultaneously razzing on any craptastic stuff I come across.

You get sex AND Razzing in one article. Woo for all of us.

Worst part of reviewing sex areas  is constantly having to say “No thank you. Don’t want to have sex with you. Not into your cartoony looking crayon dick.  Just here to write.” as well as the constant IMing of persistent people.  An example of this is one area that I teleported in where I was there less than 30 seconds when I received a friend request. By a man wearing a stripped t-shirt, slacks, & a dick. I’m sorry Mr. Dick pants but I don’t know you & your dick is attached to your zipper.

I suffer for all of you.

I do want to say that the  random places I visited suck. Not in a good way kinda suck. They were just plain bad. I’m warning you ahead of time because, hell, y’all (yes I said “y’all”) can screw if you want on SL. Not being bias here peeps (yes I said “peeps”) but after seeing a bunch of dudes stand around watching another guy have sex with a chick I can’t help but think “Cartoon sex”. And these places are just crap. Can’t help it if I randomly went to places that were horrible. What I can do is tell you how bad they are.

Big Bang Sex Park (A)

How could you possibly go wrong with a name like “Big Bang” when it comes to the public sexy time?

Actually…you can go wrong with a name like that.

Yes you can because I am in the middle of, not a park mind you, a mall. There is no big park or big bang in a park for that matter. If you go out the back way (hehe..back way) you will find one sex bed & a lot of empty space.

I Wonder If They Ever Hose It Down.

Yes I am making an “Ewww! Who knows who’s been all up on that bed!” face.
Underneath the mall is grass with a sky ceiling & an attempt to bring the “big bang”. There is a medical clinic down here if that’s yer thang but even that has shopping in it. Basically folks you are not “Banging” in a park. Your screwing in a mall.

Side Note: The day after I went to check this place out I was sent a group re-invite since I didn’t take any of them when I was there. Did I mention I got this while standing in my own front yard THE NEXT DAY!

What the fuck!!!!

I said no the first couple of times. Leave me the hell alone. Your place sucks. I ended up  just blocking the thing sending me the invites so it would stop. It makes me think of shady porn sites on the internet that screw your computer up.  (Friends Always Direct Friends To Safe Porn Sites. Just sayin’.) Thanks SL place for basically being “A Virus”.

Castle Rock Rape Dungeon (A)

There are multiple places that do this but I’m using this one as an example. I hate it when people use real porn pictures to advertise their shit. It’s Second Life sex not some back alley porn studio. So stop finding freebie sex pictures on the internet & come up with something else. I kinda already know how to look up nudie pictures without your help.

Now that I got that out-of-the-way.

I just got dropped into a tiny shopping area. Weee! (picture me saying this with much sarcasm in my voice please.) Once I got around the little mini maze of commerce I was instantly assaulted by real life pornography pictures. I’m not talking a few here or there like so many places like to throw up. I’m talking wall to wall sex time. If you are into “Glory Holes” then, amazingly enough, they also plastered that area with gobs (no weird puns intended) of real life pictures.

Look! Lot’s O’ Sex Balls Around A..Tree Stump…In A Dungeon…

I am TOTALLY assuming that y’all know what those balls would say. Yup. Gang bang on a tree stump. In a rape dungeon.

I did get followed around by this chick who I am guessing was wondering what the hell this chick in a nice dress doing in a place like this.

I’m writing lady.

If you are into sex that is completely surrounded by porn pictures, has balls & “objects” thrown around, slightly resembles a dungeon, & don’t mind getting dropped off in front of shopping then have at it.

So why is this a two parter? Because I have SO MUCH to say, a few more places I’ve reviewed (Maybe one of them will be good.), as well as some people I ran into during my travels. Too much damn sex information for one article people. Part 2 comes out sometime on Monday June 18th.

I did figure out a lesson we can all say we learned from today’s part 1. 

That’s not a real way to get a pearl necklace.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

One response

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