Category Archives: Tipsy Tip

An Ounce Of The Bounce

“How does one go forth into a virtual world and search out so many butts?”

One might find themselves asking me this during Virtual Butts January. Come on…have you actually traveled anywhere in-world? Funny asses are EVERYWHERE! In the G rated parks, to underpant clad people in stores, to random bubble butt sightings. You can’t go anywhere without seeing at least one strange booty wandering around.

One cannot grief or be rude to those around us who decide that their crunchy looking tush looks damn awesome & they want to share with everyone. You can’t point & laugh. It’s just rude. Let it make you smile!

I’ve come up with a few rules for when you’ve sighted a butt that you just cannot stop staring at. You might want to turn on some music to get yourself in the mood.

bounceforounce

I know that “bounce for the ounce” can also mean the chest but…come on…butt math rocks….

Life is always too serious all the time. Sometimes we need to just get a little stupid. Just don’t be an idiot. Stand back & enjoy the view. 

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Winter Storm 2014: Hippy Snow Cometh

A Winter Storm Warning Has Been Issued For Parts Of The Grid Starting At 10am SLT.

Winter Storm Janis Joplin will be rolling in at a speed of about “whoa babe” and “whoa yeah”. Snow might be heavy at times do to “Mary Jane, Mary Jane Lord My Mary Jane.” Please remember to take caution while traveling. Whatever you do please remember “Don’t you go and spoil it babe, by trying to get yourself all uptight.”.

janiswarning

Haaalp! We’re Stuck!

Every year, when we get snow in real life, I like to write a virtual story with pictures about the woes of snow. I also feel it is my duty, as a “serious” virtual worlds writer, that I must share any weather warnings that occur around the grid. This one has taken almost all winter because we’re finally going to get our first snow today. It’s not even here yet but I think I keep hearing voices saying “Doooooom” and “Go To The Carry Out And Get 40s In Brown Paper Bags!”.

I also want to point out that I did make fun of a Janis Joplin Greatest Hits CD by asking “What great hits?” this past weekend so I could possibly be blamed for snowmageddon.

To Everyone That Winter Storm Janus (Janis Joplin) Please Be Safe. Don’t Let It Take A Little Piece Of Your Heart Now Baby….

Whoahaaahhhh!

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Picture was taken at my office in Morning Shire – A Part Of The Raglan Shire

Cows, Monkeys, & Christmas

Tis the season to make holiday greeting cards. I am feeling super lazy this year  & don’t feel like mailing out cards to people. I will send people cards in Second Life because it’s fun to do. In real life I’m all “Blah..I don’t want to put stamps on stuff.” Or “My hand is cramping from writing names.”.

I’m not being all bah humbug on everyone this year. I just really don’t feel like it. No offense. I still care & shit. Mucho love people!

If you’re looking for a way to make a virtual greeting card this year to print & mail or even to use as a texture in Second Life then I recommend using PicMonkey. I’ve recommended them multiple times in the past & I still use it for things like collages or greeting cards. They offer a paid service but you can get alone just fine with the real one.

I’ll give you an example of what you can do with a photo in PicMonkey using the most awesome of cows…Mr. C (C stands for Christmas by the way) Cow.

officialxmascow

They have seasonal offerings for decorating your photo that include such great classics as a Santa beard or hat. I decided to add an elf hat, presents, & candy cane border along with the wording. The stockings make it extra festive.

Using PicMonkey is super easy when you’re trying to make a holiday photo without the worry of needing a degree in photo editing. They get my stamp of holiday approval for making virtual greeting cards for your friends.

I’ll be back later on this month with another program you can use to make your ho ho ho cards later on this month.

Happy Card Making!

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Pixels Should Come With Warning Labels

There have been a lot of scary things I’ve seen in my time on Second Life. I’ve been through virtual armed home invasions. Massive amounts of penis images bouncing around a sim  do to some griefer.  I’ve seen it all. 

Well….I thought I had seen it all until this little beauty walked into my life. With hips that would make an elephant cry to the way she does her nails in the style of a vulture she appeared into my life. Some people weep with joy over beauty. I weep because my eyeballs want to shrivel up & die at the sight of you.

Play Along At Home!

With a shape like a carving knife she’ll cut a bitch then use her talons to rip you to shreds to feed her spawn.

Let’s start with those talons…I mean…nails. Unless you are planing on hunting down your prey for dinner then I can’t really see a need to have giant sword like things attached to your fingers. If you tried to hug someone with those nails you would end up gutting them “Nightmare On Elm Street” style.

I see you matched the size & shape of your earrings to your bird talons. Good job!

Safety Tip: Wearing sharp knifes on your fingers never work out well unless you work in a butcher shop.

Your face is like a breath of putrid air wafting from a garbage dump on a warm summer night. Sorry…I felt poetic for a moment there. I am assuming that the nose piercing attached to a chain going to what I am assuming would be your ears. No mere mortals will never understand how you seem to have your piercings all connected. I mean…I have real life body piercings & these make me want to hit you with a newspaper & yell “Bad Hooker! No piercings for you!”.

I see you were hungry today & decided to chow down in a sucker in the most annoyingly gross way you could think of. If you were to do that in real life someone would have politely asked you to stop because you are disgusting. I am going to go WAY out on a limb here & guess that is not drool on your face.  I’m sorry people. I don’t mean to gross you out but COME THE FUCK ON!! That is not drool coming out of her mouth. Look at it!!! Gahhh!!!!!! LOOOOOOOKKKK!!!!

I’m now calmly sipping on an really potent cocktail of boozes. I’m better now. I can carry on.

I mentioned in the above picture the fact that your guess is as good as mine when it comes to what’s between her GIAGANTIC breast-cles. Also notice that  her arm is so hardcore morphed into those boobs that there is no hope of getting them out. Ever.

NO HOPE!

If you thought it couldn’t get any worse then you haven’t seen the back portion of this fine hunk of woman-ness. If you are prone to passing out over virtual asses, have a prim heart condition, or are easily offended (If you are then what the fuck are you doing here?) then viewer discretion is advised.

Always Remember To Read The Warning Labels On Stuff.

Jell…Ohhh hell no you didn’t  just show your ass like that!!??!!

Bishop mentioned that this ass looked like a “Fucked up rubix cube”. I can kinda see the resemblance. I am extremely disappointed that I could not get video of this ass in action. Every time she would change poses it would jiggle. Not a little bit. Not a lot. I am talking an ocean of motion baby. It would bob so hardcore that I thought she was going to bruise her lower back because the cheeks would slap it so hard. I started to get a tad bit ill over the water bed motion of her ass. It makes you kinda sea sick after a while.

Yes. I see the shorts. I cannot fathom the physics that go into wearing pants like that. It’s like they are twisted up, half pulled on, & being eaten up all at the same time. I would LOVE to see a real life picture of someone wearing shorts like this. No…wait…I probably don’t want to see that.

This is so bad that our lil’ virtual world should consider pixelating the entire avatar.

Now let this be a sucker dripping ass jiggling example to you all. Common Sense + Some Sort Of Taste = Not Looking Like A Candy Muching Ass Whore. 

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Definition Of SLupidity: Word created by “Tipsy” Cerulean

Something insanely stupid that can be found on Second Life. Something that makes your head sometimes hit your desk in awe.

SLupid, SLupidly.

“This SLupid ass makes me want to take motion sickness medication.”

Stupid Sex Part 1: The Story Of “Meh”

Today I am here to talk about virtual sex. I would have taken todays pictures with some sort of sexy underwear on. Or one of those strategically placed arms over a nipple but meh. Tipsy don’t show her underoos. Contrary to popular SL belief not every chick wants to run around looking like a smacked out  hooker with her hoo haa hanging out in the breeze.

Keeping It On Thank You Very Much.

Take note designers. Not all of us like tube dresses, “I’m A Whore” t-shirts, & barely there mini’s.

Now that we have that out-of-the-way I thought it would be a blast, for me at least, to review a few sex areas of Second Life while simultaneously razzing on any craptastic stuff I come across.

You get sex AND Razzing in one article. Woo for all of us.

Worst part of reviewing sex areas  is constantly having to say “No thank you. Don’t want to have sex with you. Not into your cartoony looking crayon dick.  Just here to write.” as well as the constant IMing of persistent people.  An example of this is one area that I teleported in where I was there less than 30 seconds when I received a friend request. By a man wearing a stripped t-shirt, slacks, & a dick. I’m sorry Mr. Dick pants but I don’t know you & your dick is attached to your zipper.

I suffer for all of you.

I do want to say that the  random places I visited suck. Not in a good way kinda suck. They were just plain bad. I’m warning you ahead of time because, hell, y’all (yes I said “y’all”) can screw if you want on SL. Not being bias here peeps (yes I said “peeps”) but after seeing a bunch of dudes stand around watching another guy have sex with a chick I can’t help but think “Cartoon sex”. And these places are just crap. Can’t help it if I randomly went to places that were horrible. What I can do is tell you how bad they are.

Big Bang Sex Park (A)

How could you possibly go wrong with a name like “Big Bang” when it comes to the public sexy time?

Actually…you can go wrong with a name like that.

Yes you can because I am in the middle of, not a park mind you, a mall. There is no big park or big bang in a park for that matter. If you go out the back way (hehe..back way) you will find one sex bed & a lot of empty space.

I Wonder If They Ever Hose It Down.

Yes I am making an “Ewww! Who knows who’s been all up on that bed!” face.
Underneath the mall is grass with a sky ceiling & an attempt to bring the “big bang”. There is a medical clinic down here if that’s yer thang but even that has shopping in it. Basically folks you are not “Banging” in a park. Your screwing in a mall.

Side Note: The day after I went to check this place out I was sent a group re-invite since I didn’t take any of them when I was there. Did I mention I got this while standing in my own front yard THE NEXT DAY!

What the fuck!!!!

I said no the first couple of times. Leave me the hell alone. Your place sucks. I ended up  just blocking the thing sending me the invites so it would stop. It makes me think of shady porn sites on the internet that screw your computer up.  (Friends Always Direct Friends To Safe Porn Sites. Just sayin’.) Thanks SL place for basically being “A Virus”.

Castle Rock Rape Dungeon (A)

There are multiple places that do this but I’m using this one as an example. I hate it when people use real porn pictures to advertise their shit. It’s Second Life sex not some back alley porn studio. So stop finding freebie sex pictures on the internet & come up with something else. I kinda already know how to look up nudie pictures without your help.

Now that I got that out-of-the-way.

I just got dropped into a tiny shopping area. Weee! (picture me saying this with much sarcasm in my voice please.) Once I got around the little mini maze of commerce I was instantly assaulted by real life pornography pictures. I’m not talking a few here or there like so many places like to throw up. I’m talking wall to wall sex time. If you are into “Glory Holes” then, amazingly enough, they also plastered that area with gobs (no weird puns intended) of real life pictures.

Look! Lot’s O’ Sex Balls Around A..Tree Stump…In A Dungeon…

I am TOTALLY assuming that y’all know what those balls would say. Yup. Gang bang on a tree stump. In a rape dungeon.

I did get followed around by this chick who I am guessing was wondering what the hell this chick in a nice dress doing in a place like this.

I’m writing lady.

If you are into sex that is completely surrounded by porn pictures, has balls & “objects” thrown around, slightly resembles a dungeon, & don’t mind getting dropped off in front of shopping then have at it.

So why is this a two parter? Because I have SO MUCH to say, a few more places I’ve reviewed (Maybe one of them will be good.), as well as some people I ran into during my travels. Too much damn sex information for one article people. Part 2 comes out sometime on Monday June 18th.

I did figure out a lesson we can all say we learned from today’s part 1. 

That’s not a real way to get a pearl necklace.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

SLupidity #18

Gas, Grass, 

Or Big Ol’ Ghetto Ass.

No avatar is safe from seeing them. 

This weeks SLupidity (“Second Life Stupid Shit” is my neato new easy way of explaining it to people.) combines fun elements to make some of the dumbest crap you will ever see.

Here is a small taste of the horrible:

GIANT asses.

(Uhhhh…You Like My….) Thong.

Gangsta Wanna Be’s.

Bananas.

May I present to you a couple that gives off the “I am trying to look like a bad ass but I’m really a douche.” look.

Be sure to at least give a polite clap.

Big Round Of Applause!

Usually I have to cover people’s faces because we don’t want anyone getting harassed but Mr. Ghetto did the work for us.

Thank you Mr. Ghetto guy!

What I offer is a public service announcement of horrible fashion & abuse of prims.

I’m helpful.

Let’s start with Mr. Ghetto since he was so helpful. You can’t tell very well from the picture but his hat says “Hustler”. I feel that if you have to wear a hat proclaiming that you are a hustler then the odds are that you are not one. A hustler doesn’t have to advertise. A hustler hat is like wearing a t-shirt that proclaims your immense dick size. . If you advertise it then it’s probably tiny.

Poor tiny penis man.

I see that Mr. Ghetto came prepared for a day of Second Life shopping with his large booty woman. He’s got the “I’m going to rob this shit” face scarf that matches his “If it turns ugly it will be prim armed robbery” guns. The fingerless gloves tells me that he’s a “bad ass who doesn’t care about leaving fingerprints at the scene of the crime”. The tattoos say that he doesn’t care that you could match him up in a virtual police line up.

“Just keeping it real yo.” – Mr. Ghetto guy in a virtual police line up.

Let us move on to Mrs. Ghetto. She is doing pretty good till you get down towards the booty. The combination of ass crack, thong, & banana confuses me & makes me distrust yellow colored fruit.

Yeah I’m looking at you banana.

I do like the fact that she did pack a healthy snack for her booty. When you have a Second Life ass that big it will get hungry often. You can tell by the way her ass is eating the thong that it hasn’t been fed in quite a while.

Tushy Hungry. Want food NOW!

To figure out how large her butt really is I have made a scientific chart full of size comparisons to help us out.

She Blinded Me With Ass Science!

I like big butts & I cannot lie.

OK. Not that much.

I like a nice ass but a lot of people on Second Life go with the comically large booty that looks like a cartoon character used a bike pump to pump that shit up. It doesn’t look proportionate. It doesn’t look realistic. It looks like clown ass.

I did happen to get a front photo of Ms. Ghetto so that we can fully appreciate the blunders of putting the whole look together.

I told you I was here to help.

BANANAPHONE!!!!

Can’t go wrong with a cellular bananular phone!

I know that people wear high heels with jeans but I don’t. People would give me one of those “What the fuck was she thinking” looks as I walked down the street. If you can work it then work it. It just doesnt’ work for me.

So what have we learned today?

1. Wearing a hat that says “Hustler” is the same as proclaiming you have a tiny dick.

2. Hiding your face saves me 5 seconds of work.

3. Having a comically large clown ass isn’t a good look on people.

4. Never leave home without a bananaphone.

5. There is a large difference between looking like a tough guy & just looking like a douche.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Definition Of SLupidity: Word created by “Tipsy” Cerulean

Something insanely stupid that can be found on Second Life. Something that makes your head sometimes hit your desk in awe.

SLupid, SLupidly.

“Your tough guy act just makes you look SLupid.”

“Your attempt at a shapely buttock just made you look clown SLupid.”

Mesh-ed Up

I have been really lazy when it comes to wearing mesh.

Don’t get me wrong. I love mesh & I do own a lot of mesh. I’m just lazy when it comes to wearing it. I hate having to change my body shape around to fit different designers mesh outfits. When I have been out to various places on the grid I have had people ask me why I am wearing a “bubble”. I also hate that, not because people asked me, but because it’s frustrating to pay money for something that many people see as a “bubble”.

I am in awe that there are still a LOT of people that are not using viewers that offer mesh.

To each his own.

Today I stopped being a lazy bitch & got on a pose stand to fool around with various mesh dresses. It’s a real chore because each designers idea of small to large is completely different from the next one.

I am using one dress on the pose stand to show size differences in each dress. No disrespect to the designer as I do love the dress & understand how difficult it is when everyone is a different shape/size.  Also, like I said before, I have been mesh lazy & you do have to sometimes change your body shape to fit.

Tipsy Tip: If your shape copies just make one for mesh dresses that you can change as needed.

I get really frustrated with the alpha popping out around the edges of dresses. I end up in situations where either I have skin popping out because the dress is too small or this blank land of alpha around the edges because I’m too small.

My Back Be All Sorts Of Gone!

Where Did The Rest Of Tipsy Go?

Another thing that frustrates me is boobies.

No.

Not boobies in general.

I like boobies.

Boobies rock!

Boobies, I’m mature with my language, in mesh can be super frustrating. Sometimes they are too big & pop out the front of your dress.

No I did not take a picture of my boobs popping out the front of my dress.

Pervs.

When you go to the next size your boobies are too small where they get completely swallowed up by the dress.

I said “swallowed”. Hehe.

Just Add Blimps.

Needed: One Pair Of Fake Plastic Boobs

I feel that I need two blimps to pilot the boobie controls of mesh. A couple of watermelons AND some cantaloupes to make it fit better. If I made my boobs any wider they would be on my back.  It’s a bit ridiculous since I don’t have tiny boobs on Second Life. Oh baby this lady has some nice one’s in real life I’m not going to skimp in my virtual life.

Awwww yeah.

I may have to get in content with a few people who like to wear comically large breast add ons just to make mine fit some extra-large mesh dresses.

I do have another critic that irks me beyond belief.

Ass size.

Why is there this HUGE NEED to have HUGE ASSES on Second Life? I don’t have a huge ass in real life. I have a nice ass.

Once again…..Awww yeah!

With that said I don’t want to have a giant ass shelf in Second Life.

Why? Oh why must some dresses go for the giant ass shelf?

Booty For DAYS Baby!

Baby Got Back!

If you also notice part of my leg is popping out. When the rest of the dress fits you but you have to fix your thighs or legs to make a dress work it’s frustrating.

Tipsy Side Note: There are some dresses that make you look just plain huge. That gets frustrating because it’s a beautiful dress yet it completely swallows up your shape completely.

I’m not hating on mesh. It just gets frustrating at time do to the time you have to spend to fit each individual dress.

I ain’t hating on ya mesh. Kisses & stuff.

And here lies the key to mesh. If you want to make it work you have to stop being a lazy alcoholic bitch (Oh no she didn’t just call Tipsy that. Wait…whuuu…) & spend the time to make it work for you.

It ain’t easy trying to be beautiful honey!

Blood..Rushing...To...Head...

Holding On For My Virtual Life!

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Dress in the final photo is completely different from used on the pose stand. Why? Because I got frustrated with the other one. This dress is from Jane (marsha tunic.spectrum) who seems to bring the mesh every time they release something. Good job!

Bonus Tip Of The Day: If you’re thinking about buying mesh BUY THE DEMO! If they don’t have a demo I won’t buy it. If I can’t make sure it will work it’s not worth my time.

Club Guide #10

After this round of reviews I am so damn frustrated over clubs in malls, gestures, bad decor, & general stupidity that it makes me want to throw a beer can at someone.

Breath Tipsy…BREEEAAAATTTHHHHHHH….AHHHHH….

Let’s get right to it.

Club 6 (M)

When I first teleported into the club I was instantly greeted. By multiple people. Cool. Someone actually said hi to me. There are people having conversations with others. This is nice but THEN…IT HITS!

Gestures!

Holy shit. It’s like gestures are raining down upon us with no sign of stopping. It is filling up the screen to the point where no other conversations can be seen. I CANNOT FUCKING STAND IT! Get with the program people. It’s the most mind numbing annoying shit one can use to have a conversation. One or two are fine. I dig it. Using them to the point where there is no way to talk to anyone is ridiculous.

My head is currently hitting my keyboard as I write.

This club makes me feel like I am trapped back in Second Life 5 years ago. Between the woman with the super blinging boots

Check Out Mr. Ankles Behind Ms. Bling

and the decor I feel that they haven’t moved forward with any modern or, for lack of a better word, good designs.  It’s so basic it boggles the mind. Their decorating color is blue. I mean this place is blue. Really blue. Super duper mega blue. How much more blue could this club possibly be? I am afraid to ask that question for fear they might throw in a bit more blue.

Club is surrounded by a shopping but at least the bonus part is that is isn’t KEERRR PLOWWW right on top of the dance floor. At least we have that going for us.

Iron Fist & Mall (A)

I would like to call it “Iron Fist & (OH GOODY!) A Mall”. It didn’t inform me of the mall part in the events advertisement so I did not know it was there until I rezzed in & saw the full name.

When I first teleported in someone instantly told me to come in when I rezzed. Thank you for noticing me. I waited for a bit till I could actually see the crowd of people dancing around. They went for the apocalyptic yellow polluted dark skies. Nice when you are trying to go for a certain feel/look to match a place.

Someone Get Me An Oxygen Tank STAT! I'm Going In!

I may have possibly been the one chick wearing more clothing than anyone else in the joint. (It is Adult so there was a lot of “barely there” going on. Nothing we already didn’t know. I just couldn’t help but notice. I sometimes stick out in crowds like a beacon.)

People did talk to me a the beginning but it kinda went pfftt after that for me. Which is cool. I want to see if people are having conversations with others (Which there was). I look for no gaps or boring silence. I am here to see how fast it takes them to greet newcomers & see if  people are actually talking to each other.

Sometimes it makes you feel kinda left out but meh. It is what it is.

Forbidden Treasures Club (M)
When I walked through the door there was an age detector that screamed my age. WHAT….THE FUCK! That just came out of nowhere. It will be five years for me in less than a month but I feel bad for new people. That’s bullshit. It’s hard enough to find yourself new on Second Life but then to have a club scream it out to everyone is just plain wrong. What exactly is the point? My opinion: It’s fucking stupid.

Everyone gave me a friendly greeting but I am confused.

Super confused.

Where is the dance floor exactly?

It’s basically a HUGE stripper related catwalk with poles where a shitload of employees dance.
So..we stand around and watch them? What the hell are we suppose to do exactly?  There is one guy here that doesn’t work for them that is just doing this sort of pondering look while wearing a nice suit (it is a nice suit.) Another guy is in a corner with this sort of lost look going on.

OK…I haven’t drank nearly enough to figure this out. This is so stupid. There are chairs around like we are actually supposed to sit down & watch them party. Why in the hell would I want to watch other people party, have fun, & watch employee conversations?  Add one person that has this ray of rave light going on that matches the decor & I give up. I am out of here.

Wild & Crazy Coconut (M)

Been around since 2007  but I have never heard of this club. Not that I can recall.

I got hit up with two group invites AND a landmark as soon as I landed. I can’t even see where I am yet & I’m getting hit with rapid gunfire of stuff. GRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHFFUUUCKKKHH!  Let me rez in before you start bombarding me with loads of crap.

So…here I am. In the middle of a beach shack mall. Surrounded by shops.
A good bonus is the fact that there is a sign on the sand with an arrow pointing me to the direction of said club. I’m hiking. Still hiking. Hiking..hiking…holy shit..NO I DONT WANT TO SHOP. I have never wanted to give up walking to a club so much as I have wanted to right then. Alas I cannot give up because I must find it. Must find it so I can write about it for you. The things I do.

The club, when you actually make it, isn’t too bad (SLurl will take you right to the dance floor so you are not stuck spending a virtual eternity hiking.) After taking a prim breath people said hello. The club itself isn’t too bad if you can actually make it there without dying in a mall maze.

I feel like I am repeating myself at every club but, once again, I really hate the overuse of gestures. Come up with your own shit people!

Bound Addictions Nightclub (M)

This has to be the EASIEST review I have EVER written when it comes to writing a bad review about a place. At least they have that going for them.

When I first teleported in I was, yes you guessed it, a mall. The event listing didn’t mention a mall but…OH NO WAY…the name of the club actually has “& mall” in it. Who would have thunk it?

I stood there for a few minutes saying to myself “Where the hell is the club?”. Directions were so bad that someone who worked for the club actually had to teleport me to where I needed to be. When I did get there & things rezzed in I finally saw that I was actually dancing in the mall itself. No separate club really. Just a spot to dance while being surrounded by shopping.

Ask yourself this people. Would you want to go to a place in real life mall & dance while being surrounded by “StarClucks” or “Ambercorny & Figs”? (Like what I did there?) Surround yourself with places trying to get you to constantly buy while you are trying to have fun? No? I didn’t think you would.

People people. THIS kind of dance shit is unacceptable. If we wouldn’t dance in a place like this in real life what makes you actually think we would want to do it virtually? This is Second Life. You actually CAN dream better. Dont settle. Go for what you want. If they don’t make it build it. You CAN make a place that’s much better then this swill you are trying to hand us. You can do this!

After this bout of club hopping I majorly need a drink. I think, after reading these reviews, we have learned two important lessons.

1. Clubs In Malls SUCK!

2. Over Use Of Gestures Is INSANE!

I hope this has helped you to figure out where you want to spend your club hopping weekend. Me? I’m going to get another cocktail, take a deep breath, & keep on hopping around.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Tipsy’s Curse Count: Boy..I sure did curse a lot in this article today. My count, & I may have missed a few is…..counting my GAAAHHHHHHFUCKKKK….ELEVEN! Wow! Eleven curse words. This weeks club review really pushed my buttons.

Club Guide #9

Magic number…Ummm…nine. Yeah. That sounds good.

This week I’ve hit up three different clubs, all of which happen to be randomly adult, to see who impressed & who dived into the shallow end of the disaster pool head first. One I was very impressed with while another was just another club in a long line of places to visit. I am extremely mean this week to one in particular because, gah, it was just plain bad.

Enjoy!

Tantric Waves (A)

When I teleported in I found myself far away from anything resembling a club. A pain in the ass but at least this was a situation where I could figure out where I should probably be. (Maps with little people bloops can be your friend.) On my long hike to clubdom I did pass a girl who happened to be on all fours on a leash. This is a bdsm club so it doesn’t come as any surprise to see anyone doing a lot of things. Shockingly enough, you may GASP, I absolutely embrace the lifestyle. If that’s what you want then rock on with your big bad self. As long as no one tries to get all “Master” on me then we are good ( I might kick you in the balls. Tipsy don’t take no orders.).

When I visited the club it was located in a log cabin. This could be a seasonal thing since it is winter time. I am not sure if it is or not. I stood around staring at a stripper who seemed to be asleep for at least five minutes when I realized that I was actually a few minutes early to their event. I give a free pass to the club because I did show up kinda early. When the party did start rolling she was both engaging & friendly. Something you need to be when you are in the adult industry in Second Life. I must mention that she was engaging & friendly at the beginning. That’s where it ended as all conversations hit a complete standstill. Silence of chit chat surrounded me. How…boring..

They do get bonus points for having a song playing that I actually liked when I first go there. It’s the little things sometimes.

I think that I may have pissed off one of those titler people. You know the people I am talking about. They are the people who wear the words above the head that on occasion yell out that you can give them a new title. I seem to have a sense of humor that pisses people off. I don’t think they were amused with my “Gas Grass Or Ass” title. I thought it was pretty funny. If you don’t like the titles people give you then why are you wearing one?

While the outside was an absolute pain to walk through the clubs inside was pretty. I did stick around for a bit because I did show up a few minutes early before the event did start. It was the nice thing to do.

Sensual Allure (A)

Oh God. Can the decorations in your club get any more hokie? It’s pretty tacky. To add to the tacky, I am assuming this is what you were going for, I am stuck right in the middle of a mall. I shouldn’t say the middle as much as a corner. I am completely surrounded by nothing but shit asking me to buy. SPEND YOU MONEY TIPSY! Um..no thank you. I’m good.

It took an INSANE amount of time for anyone to say hi to me. I am not just saying that. I made a drink, talked to @stbishop, cammed around the mall, text messaged a few people, tweeted…HOLY SHIT…my list goes on. I am sorry but Tipsy bitch is back (the holidays didn’t break my spirit damn it).

No one is doing any talking in this bar but they have a trivia ball that keeps rollin’ along. I absolutely LOVE trivia. In real life I play the HELL out of it in bars. I appreciate trivia in Second Life. When there is no conversation except bitches, yes I said bitches, trying to get $L from playing trivia, you can eat my big toe. That’s no party. That’s trivia drones working it for $L.

I am really not in the mood to stand here staring at the tacky shopping world you’ve created. Design something that doesn’t suck & LOOKS LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING PLACE ON SECOND LIFE. Maybe I’ll be in the mood then. For fucks sake people. No wonder there is the constant “Second Life is dying” talk roaming around. You, and others like you, cause it.

The Bad Monkey (A)

WOW! I teleported in & there is no shopping to be had. I don’t see it anywhere around me.

NO SHOPPING????!?!?!?!? NO WAY!!

What I do see is a beautifully put together beach club that impresses me. I mean it really does impress me. I was greeted by a slew of people who were very friendly. The conversations went beyond the usual hello & how are you. I dig it.

It is worth taking a stroll around the club area as there is more than just a small dance floor. Beach volleyball, lounging areas, a bar, swimming, & a campfire are just some of the items you will find tastefully placed around the small island. I do have to give a shout out to the RLV masters rack that I found behind a waterfall. It was just kinda hanging out randomly. Cracked me the hell up.

Umm....Thanks For Warning Me There Mr. Sign.

I give them a super martini for not sucking.

Have fun club hopping this weekend!

“Tipsy” Cerulean 

Tipsy’s Tip Of The Day: Don’t stick your club in the middle of a mall surrounded by things to buy. That’s not a club. That’s tacky. It insults our intelligence for you to think that everyone is stupid enough to want to hang out & buy stuff while dancing.

SLupidity #14

You Put Your Broke Foot In You Put Your Broke Foot Out.

I am breaking out the photograph compilation of this weeks SLupidity so that we may analyze it together. Togetherness is SO MUCH FUN DAMN IT!!

I recommend drinking while analyzing. OK. I recommend that for most everything Second Life related. That’s besides the point.

Sometimes I chalk up an avies appearance to being new. I’ve said that in the past. I give leeway to new residents because it’s hard enough trying to figure out buttons, walking, what a prim is, let alone trying to figure out clothing. Not giving this one a chance to run for the hills (& maybe change their hideous choice of costume) because they have been here long enough.

I am glad you tried to go for a sexy neko look. It was a brave attempt but you fail. YOU FAIL! Your top has jagged lines that look like they might cut your boobs to shreds while crying black ink all over them. It gracefully moves its way down to your skirt & skirt prim which looks like a block chunk between your legs (TIP: Before going out in a skirt/dress/whatever that involves the “prim block” between your legs edit it to make sure it looks good with the skirt. It’s not going to always look good when you walk or dance but at least you made an effort.)

Let’s not forget to mention the arm band stuck in your arm, your lovely spike gloves, & something that looks kinda like a gun holster but isn’t a gun holster on your hip. I am all about the details folks.

I am confused about your tail. You have neko ears but your tail is this tiny little nubby. It’s like it tried to grow into a big puffy cat tail then died in the first few hours of life. It’s not the textures surrounding it & making it disappear into the background. It’s just as it looks. A tiny nubby decorated with buckles. At least the nubby was decorated before burial. That reminds me? When is the funeral?

Rest in peace tail nubby. You never had a chance to live.

OH MY GOD! How could I miss this? Your ankle! Your goth clad boot ankle is completely broken! How can you dance at a time like this? Isn’t it painful? OH MY GOD! Someone call an ambulance! Someone call a boot maker! Someone call a prim foot designer! Someone get me a drink! All of the this screaming has made me thirsty.

What have we learned from todays SLupidity? Come on! We have to have some sort of lesson to round out our flaw pointing, funeral planning, ambulance crying. I think we’ve learned that “prim blocks” between your legs should be checked before going out (We all make this mistake at times.). Don’t let your goth bra try to cut your boobs off. Don’t dance with a broken ankle. Nubby tails never have a chance to grow into beautiful flowing tails.

“Tipsy” Cerulean

Definition Of SLupidity: Word created by “Tipsy” Cerulean

Something insanely stupid that can be found on Second Life. Something that makes your head sometimes hit your desk in awe.

SLupid, SLupidly.

“Your dead little nubby tail just looks SLupid on you.”